My Dearest J,

July 11th would have been our 5th anniversary...

I wonder what you're doing right this moment... I bet you don't even remember what 7/11 meant; maybe you looked at your calendar and thought "why does this day look so familiar?" or maybe... and hopefully... you did remember & like i was, you were reminiscing about that rainy first July 11th we spent together, after Spiderman Away from Home-- waiting for the storm to pass making out outside the Regal in Midtown-- and all the amazing moments we had between then and the day we decided to call it off for good.

You are heavy on my mind, J.

I think of you more often than I'd like or even want to admit. You can't blame me, you made me fall in love with this god forsaken city-- naturally, you are everywhere I look! There's not a single corner in this town that doesn't remind me of the way you used to kiss me so lovingly.

I don't regret the break up. I know it still that it was the right thing to do. But that doesn't mean I don't miss you.

And i miss you. So much.

You were my best friend. You were the center of my universe. For a long time, I was sure that you were gonna be my husband and the father of my children. I WANTED SO BAD FOR IT TO BE YOU.

But you're not. And I am at peace with that.

We've both moved on. Your new girlfriend is beautiful! I'm sure you guys look so stinking cute together! I hope I never see y'all around!

I hope she makes you laugh & gives you great head! I hope she lets you play COD & FIFA as much as you want; lets you play guitar as loud as you want; I hope she supports all your hopes and dreams!

I really really hope she loves you as much as I do.

I hope you never think for a second that I didn't /don't.

Because for as long as my heart still beats, I will continue to love the shit out of you. Our relationship may have ended but my affection for you will always surpass the length of a love affair. You are, after all, the greatest love I've ever known. And I'm quite certain that I may never love anyone the way I did you.

Someday, I will find a man and he will be THE ONE for me. We will love each other fervently... but you and I both know what we had can never be done again or replaced.

We were eternal.
We were cosmic.
We were infinite.

Please know that whenever you need me, wherever I may be-- that I would drop anything and everything to be there for you. You can always run to me. I will never not make space for you.

I will find you in the next life and spend those 4 years with you again. I will look for you in every universe and in every version of reality.

Thank you for the love that we shared. I will treasure it forever. I love you!

Yours,
Bug